I’m totally afraid I’ll shoot myself in the foot during an interview (I love how optimistic I am, that I’ll even get to the interview stage!)

I’ve got 1,001 answers swirling through my mind to use in response to the obvious questions. Unfortunately I know I lot of them are The Wrong Answers. In a bid to clear my brain of the bad, or at best, useless responses, I’ll try writing them down, here. Hopefully The Correct Replies will be more obvious after this exercise.

Tell us about yourself…
  • *goldfish impression*
  • You may be thinking the deafening silence is me thinking of a witty and/or heartfelt response. I wish it were too.
  • *tears*
  • Marathon Worrier

Why would we want to employ you?

  • Um, you wouldn’t?
  • Given that I wouldn’t employ myself, I’d keep a wide berth of me, if I were you.

Why should we give you the job?

  • Because you’re a brilliant charity
  • Because I’ve worked blinkin hard to get to this point and it would give me a much needed confidence boost.

What would you bring to our company?

  • Not much, I’m a liability
  • Fear, stress, paranoia and a puddle of depressed tears

What are your weaknesses?

  • Are you ready with a long piece of paper?
  • I’m overconscientious. My tutor thought that would be a good one to say.

What are your attributes?

  • I won’t give up. I’ll go without sleep and food if that’s required

What are your achievements?

  • Earned my Duke of Edinburgh gold award…5 years ago
  • Represented my country in women’s hockey…10 years ago
  • Completed course of CBT…this year

What makes you want to work in the UK?

  • I’ve somehow made myself a good reputation in Very Small Home Country. I don’t want to ruin it!
  • NHS
  • I’m from a very tiny itsy bitsy Dominion of the British Empire. I would like to enjoy the benefit of this Domination.

Do you have any questions?

  • Do you have a safe room?
  • What is your sickday policy?