I  managed to get the project due in yesterday given in today (which was ok – yesterday was a holiday anyway). So, taking into account my extensions for when I was super stressed in Feb/March, it was given in on time. I’m happy that I achieved that, though more tired than anything. Not sure it was worth the uncomfortable nights I spent in the studio recently (still easing out the major crick in my neck now!). But I should be happy! Despite worries, anxiousness, mini meltdowns over the weekend and this morning, I did it!

But now I have the worry in the back of my mind that the work will go in my portfolio, and it is still not a quality I am happy with. And at the same time it is in my portfolio, so anyone I show it to will expect that I can produce that kind of quality work. Yet I honestly hope this is the last time I work such crazy hours. I’m afraid I’ll disappoint any potential employer and feel like a fraud when trying to apply for jobs.

I’ve been having images of myself as a character in an oldie goldie video game bouncing against a brick wall. My view is so squashed against the wall I can’t see anything except pixellated splurges of brown. On the one hand I know rationally I need to take a step back so that I can see which way to go to avoid the obstacle. But somehow I keep thinking everything is going along fine until I suddenly find myself pressed against that wall and can’t see which way to go. I know it’s wrong and I need to take a step back before its too late,  but I don’t know how to avoid it! Will try harder next time. I have one more ‘practice’ at it (ie university, before Real Life jobs)

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