I hope I am not being too hopeful. The past couple of days, since I wrote out my Three Options and came to a decision about how I would go about getting one of my uni projects done, I have felt quite upbeat. As I said in the previous post, things seemed to click and finally I haven’t felt like I don’t know what to do/what I’m meant to be doings, and as a result haven’t felt too exhausted/brain dead.

Yesterday morning, Enise (uni Nurse Shrink) phoned me to check how I was getting on (she’s good like that). I said I thought things were quite good. She asked me to rate it, 0 being the worst, and 10 the best I’ve felt. I said (I think truthfully) that compared to the rest of this year where I’ve felt so lost, I thought it was a 10. I’m not sure she believed me. I’m doing my hardest to convince myself that I am doing OK, it really didn’t help that she’s not convinced!

I explained that I had done what Celine (NHS CBT Lady) had gone through with me, of writing out my different options and evaluating the +ves & -ves of them to come up with a plan that I would be happy to follow. I explained that I was happy with my choice to just work through my work methodically and to be happy giving in the work on Tuesday in whatever state it is in, rather than killing myself trying to make sure it is complete or else trying to do a little bit on everything and just making myself more confused, tangled and upset.

She then prodded me, asking how I would make sure that I didn’t fall back into the option 1, of working myself into the ground trying to make sure it was all complete. I’d already said to Celine that that is a concern of mine. Perhaps I’m just being a bit unfair to Enise, that of course she wasn’t in on the session with Celine, and so as I had raised that concern with Celine myself, then its natural that as I didn’t mention it to Enise, that she would have the same thought herself.

I just wish that she would have a bit of confidence in me that I won’t do something bad to myself!

No wonder I lack confidence in myself!

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