10 days ago I felt like I’d been fired for failing the CBT self-help. So it was a nice surprise to get a letter today from another CBT Lady within the IAPT scheme in my uni town area (henceforth referred to as CL/Celine), inviting me for an appointment next week.

So they haven’t dropped me at all. It would have been nice to know that when I was so worried. Or maybe SG had told me but I wasn’t in a state to remember. The letter even felt quite personal, and she’s given me an appointment for the end of March. Interestingly, she explained that I was being ‘stepped’ up from Step 2, which had been with SG, to her, to do face-to-face CBT.

I had to look up what the steps were, as I was a bit scared of having been at level ‘2’, as if I’d been so bad I’d bypassed 1. In fact 1 is just the first step of going to the doctor. And now reading the steps, I’m irritated I’d been put in at 2, rather than 3 from the beginning, which is the stage where medication is used. I’ve been on/off medication from my home dr since 2003. So shouldn’t I have been put in at that stage from the beginning? Which is also the other irritating thing, as initially Enise had suggested I could meet SG or (person who became known as) Celine, as if they were the same, and I went with SG just because he was in the same town as me, and I’d been led to believe Celine worked in the next door town. Well it seems Celine has been at the med centre the whole time, which would have been fine for me. I wish Enise had just told me to see Celine, or at least have explained the different steps them.

Oh well I guess I can’t be too irritated as I can’t do anything about it now, and I’m glad there is still help for me and that I haven’t used it all up already (except I am irritated I didn’t start with Celine earlier. If only because it may have meant I could have had a happier year).

Fingers crossed Celine can help. I’m glad we should have a proper amount of time to work together. I just hope she can help, as from reading about the various steps, I was lucky that I did see SG face-to-face as much as I did, as normally it seems that step is done through the telephone or internet. Which I declined from the start. So in fact maybe he had been doing as much as she will do anyway. I’m not really sure how she can do any more, as she only works at uni once a week as well. But at least I can have hope.

<From the 31st March I met with Celine weekly, bar the Easter break, for 11 sessions. She really was great, and I finally felt like I was making headway in dealing with my silly hangups. A lot of this things we did were structured worksheets, described in a lot of the posts with the tag Celine, but the useful things, and difference between her and SG, (steps 2/3), was that she supported me when I needed to question thigns nad when, by the book, things didn’t help me. Whereas with SG, he gave me the book, and it was tough luck if they didn’t apply to me, or I couldn’t make sense of things. >