I need some mental oil/lubricating. Like cooking angelhair spagetti. Need a slop of extra virgin olive oil. Or maybe some Johnson & Johnson’s baby hair detangler? Kind of like some good fungicide from my previous mental analogy. But what is it in terms of getting uni work done????????????????????????????????????

So far I’m struggling by myself as everyone around me, while I know they want to help, are from a very particular part of my life, yet none of my problems are because of just one thing – I could cope if I just had to/could do just the one thing. So probably from their individual perspectives I should be fine. Like lecturers – I can ask questions about the work, but they don’t do questions about how I feel about the work/how the work makes me feel. They don’t do feelings! Likewise, doctors can deal with issues about brain chemicals, but don’t do issues that are affected by those chemicals – in my case right now, uni work. SG isn’t much more in tune either. On the face of it, it seems that my work isn’t really that bad – in isolation it isn’t – and brain chemicals aren’t really bad either – if they were I’d be bad all the time, but I’m not. So what is he meant to do? I can see perfectly well that it is my thinking which is the problem – not work or chemicals. Same with Enise, although she is half way between chemicals and work, she is also neither, so cannot help with either – as much as I know she would like to.
So I guess it comes back to me, that I am the only one who can know what goes on between the stuff of chemicals and work, as well as chemicals work themselves. But I don’t know how to do that, as it comes back to needing a good detangler…and I’m back in that circle again….

urrh just wasting time and it irritates me so much…………. I wish I could bang something really really hard.

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