My brain is either all sticky, or is like paper in a hurricane. I feel like I have a thousand and one thoughts swirling round which really don’t matter yet I’m trying to juggle them all in case some of them are important or useful.

But trying to keep them all is just counter productive as I spend the time trying to keep hold of them, rather than deal with the important ones. Or even identifying them.

Hmm think I should keep an art diary.

I have the image of me tangled up as spagetti. I really still honestly believe that I have all the things and thoughts I need to do well, but they’re all tangled up with each other, and with a lot of other crap I don’t need, if only I had the time to de-crap them.

That doesn’t make sense but it doesn’t matter.

I just need to straighten out all the tangles, get rid of what I don’t need and I think I could be nearly there. But need help to do that as I’m just tangling myself up further. Especially not writing them down. Maybe if I did write them down then I could detangle them myself. Except I really need to be getting on with my essay and don’t have time to even write that I need to spend some time detangling myself.

Anyway. Will start that process later. At least it is written down that I will do it. One less thing to keep juggling in the air.

Too tired start. Spent whole day telling myself, others that I’m happy with my work, I’m keen on it, and enthusiastic. So exhausting! And trying to convince myself that I’m not tired, that it is just my body/mind playing tricks on me. Which is exhausting in itself too. Mind conservations make me tired…but even more too tired to do anything about it. It’s now 12.51am, so maybe I really am just tired. Don’t know. So much still to do. But need sleep.

So…the options:

  • sleep in the studio – wake up early to continue essay?
  • Or go to sleep at home – better sleep?
  • Need shower badly, but going home to a broken shower won’t help either. But maybe it isn’t broken. I suppose worth a try.

What a crap load of options…

<29th August: I still often feel like I need a good dollop of extra virgin olive oil in my spagetti brain. But I think I am getting a bit better at just calmly working bit by bit at whatever I am trying to do, doing my best not to overwhelm myself. I have no idea which option I went for on the night of the 22nd March. Hopefully I did find a working shower somewhere.>