I’ve made an appointment with my dr for next week, after Enise, the uni nurse shrink, suggested I try a different anti-depressant rather than come off them entirely. I guess by making the appointment this morning, I’ve decided I will give them ago. I’m already tapering down the dose anyway.

As normally the record longest appointment I’ve had with my dr is about 28 seconds, I’ve made a list of things I really want to remember to ask him, and tell him what my situation is before he doles them out without another thought.

Things to remember to ask about/say…

Appetite increase – can’t cope with a normal appetite at the moment! Will go crazy from hunger, add further irritation
Weight gain – one thing I’m not concern about right now. Don’t want that to add to worries!
Sleepy – recommends taking it in evening 1 hr before bed. But if I’m trying to get work done, won’t take it. But then that won’t be good either. But if I take it late, it will wipe out next day. Have taken Amitriptyline before for migraines, and that totally wiped me out. Are they similar? (Seems that a higher dose is better – stimulant affect will wipe out histamine effect) What about sailing?? (8hr shifts would be ok/could have special shifts, though not as fun)
Sleep itself is not my problem.
Alcohol – not recommended (ask if it is prohibited. If so I really don’t want to take it. That would take away the one thing I can do with friends that doesn’t stress me out!)

Work wise:
It isn’t really uni work that is upsetting me. There is nothing wrong with the work or uni itself, as everyone else is managing fine. It is just that uni work is suffering from me being upset. Which upsets me more. Although when I’m not doing uni work, I can be happy. But I do want to do uni work. Which upsets me even more, that I then become even more upset. (or maybe I should just leave all that out?)

Long term:

  • Not necessarily going to choose to stay around the university town. Or maybe mental health/access to care is a more important reason to choose somewhere to live, than a job? I have to admit the support I’m getting here is pretty good.
  • If I went back to my home, there’s little mental help for normal depression/anxiety (just psych hospital and some private therapy that I’m sure private insurance wouldn’t cover, and is prohibitively expensive otherwise, especially if I’m depressed again to the point of not being able to work properly.)
  • Ideally would like to go back home, minus current problems, and able to cope without med help. Please can you promise me that?

So:
My options that I want to check with the dr are:

  1. Go for mirtazapine. Whatever works is worth it.
  2. Ask if there are other meds with less bad sounding side effects
  3. Keep reducing sertraline and see what happens. Deal with potential problems later only if they do come up.
  4. Accept being irritated/upset/sad and just deal with those things by myself.
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