Trying to get it sorted in my mind what  I wanted to say to who:

SG:

  • I realised that when I wasn’t upset last time, it was because I’d just got rid of the immediate pressures of my work.
  • You were right, it wasn’t me coping better, it was simply circumstances changing.
  • By the weekend things started going belly up, starting with getting my results from recent pieces of work and realising that the amount of time I had spent was not reflected at all in the marks – in better or worse marks.
  • Negative feelings. Trying to identify distortions & this diary: they have helped as I was then able to see what my underlying hang ups were with my work
  • But unable to get help on the properly – asking unsuitable questions, getting fobbed off, feeling like I’m irritating tutors, too tired = get upset too easily, forget questions/wording of them.
  • ‘Worry time’ ok. But trying to problem-solve – need to address problems NOW or else they build up/tutors not available/end up being more upset. Would it be better to just deal with problems when they come up/when opportunity comes up to address them?
  • Eventually too exhausted, ill.
  • Now on enforced ‘holiday’.
  • Not ‘happy’, but teary episodes are lessening. But at the back of my mind worried that I still haven’t solved root of problem/found a good way of thinking about things. Ie chances are my issues are still there.

Help please with:

  • relapse/setbacks?
  • ways of coping – how to make sure I can go back into studio confident it won’t send me back low. (help find rational reasoning/ways of rationally reasoning)
Senior Tutor
  • Don’t know if it is my mind or the work which causes my stress problems? But neither are excuses – really do want help sorting out knowing what I need to do, ways of working more efficiently, ways of judging my work aside from time spent, knowing what is looked for etc etc etc
  • Please tell module tutors I am serious. I do want to learn! Need help just to nudge me over my current block.
  • Deadlines/extensions etc?
  • I can hope that this week of sleep and catch-up will mean I can cope better now with uni work. But would like the chance to ‘practice’, before I’m up against deadlines-
  • maybe try just working 3 hours a day? or 9-5 or whatever? But with deadline pushed back/flexible if needed?
  • who should I/can I go to for help? Who can tell what to who? From Enise to Senior Tutor, normal module tutors? Can Enise even talk to tutors?
  • I am so confused!
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