I saw Enise today, didn’t realise how upset I’ve been getting. But I think it was a good meeting. She was able to describe exactly how I’ve been feeling. Now if only I could have some step by step instructions on what to do next! All the supposedly self helping guides never seem to have similar scenarios that I can see myself in, or else they don’t actually resolve the problem!

Q to ask:
So given my situation (which she seems to understand completely), if this were a scenario in a self help book, what would the next pages say?

I would really not know what to say. I guess:

  1. First, sort out immediate problem – ie academic stuff – get clearer idea of what work is required, and the quality and amount expected.
  2. Then make a realistic schedule that will get that done, and stick to it, making sure you enjoy fun things in the off times.
  3. Hopefully giving yourself time for fun will help sort out underlying problems at the same time.

Tomorrow will put that plan into action.

Of course that goes back to the old problem of finding out what is required/expected quality and quantity. Enise said she’ll talk to one of my uni tutors. Hopefully that should really help him understand I’m serious about wanting to improve, and she’ll do a better job of explaining how I feel too!

SG had given me a Book on Prescription, ‘How to Stop Worrying’. The best thing about it is the cute porcupines on the front cover. It also has a few other useful things, like explaining the need to pinpoint what is worrying oneself, so for me:

  • that my work isn’t a true reflection of what I can do
  • that maybe I am just boring, not terribly good at LA, and my work is uninspiring
  • I’m not doing the things I’d like to do, but somehow feel not in control of deciding when to stop work
  • time not reflected in quality – makes time feel wasted
  • people will get annoyed with me for being repetitive
  • people will think I’m a boring, depressed and negative person and won’t help me not be that