(This was a thought record I was filling out as part of the guided self-help course I followed with SG (= uni/NHS Stress Guy)

Situation:
Evening. During the day had a tutorial for the Bristol design module. It wasn’t terribly helpful in moving forwards. Tutor said I’m doing ok so far, though now looking at feedback from previous project, I’m not confident I believe that! Then wittled away afternoon being too tired to work properly. Tried to get help on what is expected for the Planning module. No luck. Pointless, wasted day.

Problem:
Not knowing what’s expected, and when I try to ask, either get fobbed off, told not to worry, or else that they can’t answer it. Like I’m being naughty and trying to tease out the answers. Which I’m really not, I’d just like to know what is expected so I don’t waste energy/effort/time working on things that don’t matter, and I can focus on what does. Surely that is not a crime!

Thoughts:

  • I must be dumb not to know what to do with my projects, and naughty for asking, as they won’t give anything away about what is expected.
  • I really am not like this normally, I can’t explain why I keep getting caught up on what’s expected, why I think I don’t know what to do. I want people to know that, that I am normally a fairly positive person! (even if I haven’t been recently)
  • I am normally good, better than average. Why am I just having problems now?

Feelings:

  • I’m dumb
  • Lost – I don’t know what to do
  • Upset and irritated at myself and my work that:
  • – Being thought of as a cheater
  • – I just end up whining
  • – not being able to communicate what I would like to ask

Beliefs for the above thoughts: 100%

Other explanations:

  • Not dumb, just having particular problems with bits of work, not with everything in life (belief: 99%)
  • Work & marking is getting harder from last year, so not actually doing worse. (belief: don’t know, should find out)
  • Don’t really know what others think of me. Maybe they don’t think I’m a cheater or whining, and it’s just they don’t want to tell me what’s expected as that is part of the work and really I am expecting them to spoon feed me. (1%)
  • I am a negative, pessamistic depressed person. (this is utterly true = 100%, or these are only my thoughts and I am not at all = 0%)
  • I do just need to be more confident in my work. That 60’s isn’t an average mark in the grand scheme of things (except it is? at least judging from my friends’ marks. Don’t know what the average average is). (belief: don’t know, should find out)
  • It’s ok to be average, unmemorable, missing spark and generally unexceptional. (belief: 0% I hope!)

Beliefs for the alternative explanations: Don’t know. resolve to find out. Though that’s what has been the cause of this problem.

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